Tuesday, January 27, 2015

MEDIA :: Day 27

This post keeps getting renamed.

It was supposed to be posted on Day 25...then Day 26. Here I am two days after starting it and I'm still struggling to put my thoughts into words worth sharing, but here goes:

Even though media isn't consuming my time...it's still easy to waste time. So while I'd love to say every moment has become more meaningful without media vying for my attention...it's not entirely true.

However, I do think that after almost a month of not turning on Netflix, I've dropped the habit of automatically watching an episode of my latest TV show binge when I'm doing chores around the house. And when I go to my phone, there really isn't much to do besides take a photo of Harry or check the weather.

The change in my heart has been subtle. Less noise, more quiet time to think. Less visual distraction, more time to pay attention to things that need attending to around the house, and most importantly the people who need attending to. I've been able to catch little moments of Harry playing in the background while I'm doing dishes that I may have missed before because I was more distracted.

I don't know if it's because I'm not as plugged into technology or because he's entering a new stage, but Harry has been asking us to play more with him. I'm not naturally good at playing boy things...but I've been enjoying a little more time flying planes around the family room, driving trains across elaborate tracks, and pretending to be every kind of animal Harry can imagine.

I guess the other thing that I've realized that feels kind of good - I don't have to document every sweet moment of motherhood online for it to have happened. I still take pictures, and in all honesty I am really looking forward to getting back onto Instagram. But I'm okay with the fact that this month we were able to step back and just be. It hasn't been a perfect month. My life is not magazine-worthy...and I'm totally okay with that. And just because there is nothing on my Instagram feed to show for it, doesn't mean that this month wasn't full, or that these memories somehow don't matter as much.

The one thing I'm certain of:

I'm still a mess of a person. I try my hardest, most of the time, and even so I fail time and again. I let people down. I have so much room for growth. My natural tendency is to be selfish. I need Jesus.

Thankfully He isn't finished with me yet.

I'm really hoping that this year He purges my heart in a major way. Getting rid of the old and making room for the new that I didn't even realize I so desperately needed. I feel like He is already stirring my heart up in ways that I've never experienced before. Yet I don't really know what it all means. I just know that He is faithful to keep working on me.

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