Wednesday, December 31, 2014

I May be Crazy, but Here Goes...

We started going to a new church in September. The idea was planted before we lost the baby, but when we actually took the plunge our baby was gone, making it a sweet and painful time to uproot and start fresh in a new community.

God clearly knew what He was doing. Doesn't He always?! You'd think after following Jesus for over a decade I would have learned by now that He, the Creator and Maker of the universe (not to mention my heart), would know what He was doing. 

Anyway, it was scary and a tad bit overwhelming. I have a hard time going in halfway. When it comes to community I tend to open up and bear my soul (which often involves tears), I wish I could hold back, but for some reason this is how God has created my messy heart. Literally on my sleeve. I've been told by others who have been witness to my tears and vulnerability in the context of community, that it's refreshing and frees them up to be vulnerable as well. I have also spent many years believing that I am too much. Too emotional. Too overwhelming for other people to handle. The darn devil literally wants to turn what God clearly intended for good into something I feel ashamed of.

Thankfully the Holy Spirit's voice is stronger. It may be softer...but it is certainly more powerful than the lies that so easily entangle.

I'm not in any way "there" yet, but I am learning to listen to the voice of the Lord, and nothing else. At least that's what my desire is. I am praying that 2015 changes my heart to be more in tune with my Maker.

Back to our new church, and the new study I began in the Fall.

As a small group we read the book "Interrupted" by Jen Hatmaker, and it literally: ROCKED. My. World.

I'm still reeling from it. I am not kidding. This book stirred up in me a desire for a different kind of life. A different kind of faith. One that looks nothing like the faith life I have known up until this point. But with this heart-shift comes a lot of questions. Practically speaking, how does this play out in my day-to-day life? If I knew the answer, I would be happy to share it here...but I am still trying to wrestle with it all.

I wasn't ready to set Jen's ideas on the shelf, so I decided to read another one of her books. She is one of the most honest, witty, encouraging, and challenging authors I have ever read.

Enter "7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess". Also by Jen Hatmaker. Seriously, if you do one thing this week, go buy this book. Or check it out from the library. I've checked it out at least twice three times from the public library digital collection (sorry Jen, I'm cheap) ;) but seriously I keep reading and re-reading it.

Thank you Karla for recommending this book to me (oh, a year or two ago). I finally gathered enough courage to actually read it...and I am SO THANKFUL that I did!

So...after reading through Jen's journey, I've decided that it's time to embark on my own journey. I am excited and terrified at the same time. But I am pretty much certain that if I take a step GIANT leap of faith, Jesus is going to change my heart and life, to the degree that at the end of 2015 I will not be the same woman that I am today.

Here is my plan.

I am going to be fasting throughout the next year.

One month at a time.

One area of my life at a time.

I will fail many times I am sure. And I will also be covered in grace.

And that's pretty much all I know at this point.

I have a plan for the first month, and I have a "map" for the year as a whole, but beyond that I am going to figure it out one step at a time.

I may be crazy, literally, but I need to do something drastic to reset my habits, and jumpstart my heart. I want change desperately, and I know myself all too well (creature of habit that I am); unless I do something completely new and different I can already picture myself a year from now - pretty much the same person I am looking at in the mirror today.

So, here goes. 

Jesus, bring on 2015. I may not be ready, but I know You are!!!

.    .    .

2 0 1 5    Y E A R    M A P

Month One:  M E D I A

Month Two:  P O S S E S S I O N S

Month Three:  F O O D

Month Four:  W A S T E

Month Five:  C L O T H E S

Month Six:  S P E N D I N G

Month Seven:  S T R E S S

.    .    .

M O N T H    O N E   -   M E D I A

Lord help me. I think this may be the hardest for me, which is why it is most certainly up first in the line-up. For the next 30 days, I will be abstaining from media.

No TV (which includes TV watched online or on Netflix). No radio (unless it's classical music). No Instagram. No blog-reading. No phone games or random entertaining apps. Limited texting. Email only once per day. 

I am terrified. 

But I am also craving the quiet that will inevitably come along with this fast. Quiet to pray. To read God's Word. To read other books. To look into the eyes of the people I am with and live in the moment. To look around and behold the glory of God in the world around me.

Goodbye Media. 

I am sure I will miss you. 

But my hope is that I will gain so much more than I am missing.

[ more blogging to follow as I learn and grow over the next month ]


  1. I am so excited for you sweet friend! Love you so much and praying for you as you journey!

    1. Thank you Sara! I SO appreciate your prayers and friendship! LOVE you!!!