Thursday, December 25, 2014

So Unworthy, SO THANKFUL!

This morning I am in awe. Jesus came in complete humility to be with us. He came as a baby to live and die and rise again so that we might have life and have it to the fullest. The Creator of the universe loves us that much.

It honestly blows my mind when I consider it.

That is what Christmas is all about. And the magic of it all - the lights, carols, treats, family traditions, gifts - is just a glimpse of The TRUE Gift of Christmas, Jesus Christ!

I woke up this morning, and it's truly a Christmas miracle - Harry is still asleep. So I'm sitting by the fire, with the tree and candles lit, and gifts waiting for our sweet boy to discover. We were thoroughly spoiled yesterday by Josh's family...and I am sure that we will be equally spoiled later today when we head to my parent's house. Our families do Christmas BIG, and I have struggled this Christmas season feeling the weight of how unworthy I am of such generosity. I struggle to do things "right". My house is a mess most all of the time. My Christmas cards are still sitting on my desk waiting to be sent out. At work I feel like there's always more I could be doing to be the teacher I long to be. I struggle because to me, doing things right looks like absolute perfection...and I constantly fall short.

As I walked down the stairs this morning I had a quiet thought; I know it wasn't from me, because these are not the kinds of things I think up on my own.

The Holy Spirit whispered in the quiet of my heart that my imperfection, my failing, my lack of feeling "worthy", and my longing for perfection is exactly why Jesus came.

Christmas is extravagant because the grace of Jesus is nothing short of extravagant. I don't deserve a picturesque Christmas morning in my home with my sweet family. I don't deserve the generosity of my family. I don't deserve grace...

...even if my house were perfectly clean all of the time.

...even if I was the perfect friend, the perfect wife, mother, daughter, sister, teacher (fill in the blank)

I would still need Jesus. Because even my best attempt at perfection would not be enough to save me.

I have a long way to go. My heart is often times a mess, but God is not done working on me. And I know He isn't done working on your heart either. He is truly in the business of redeeming lives and changing hearts to be more full and complete and aligned with the heart of the Father.
Oh sweet Jesus THANK YOU FOR COMING. Thank you for giving up your throne in heaven to experience life on this earth as a man. You lived the life I cannot live. You died the death that my sin deserves. You rose and conquered sin and death...and now you live on the throne again. I long for the day when you return or call me home to be with you Jesus. In the meantime I am overwhelmed by your extravagant grace in my life. Nothing evidences that like Christmas does. Please help me to have a heart of gratitude that realizes and appreciates the gift of Christmas each and every day. Christmas days come and go, tomorrow will be here before I know it. And yet, you are with me always and will never leave or forsake me Lord. Thank you for loving me - a broken messy woman who tries to earn your grace. Please help me to realize more and more in this coming year that you long for me to just surrender my life to you...and that all of my striving will not make you love me any more or less.


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