10 on 10 :: July 2016

Random Midnight Nursing Ramblings

I wrote this in the middle of the night while nursing Ellis. Random thoughts leading up to his "one week" birthday.

• Ellis loves swaddles, but he likes his left hand out
• He's either snoozing of looking around a ton, always super calm
• Fusses when being changed/cold...but doesn't really cry
• Sleeps with head turned way on its side 

22 Weeks: Baby Ellis

Ellis Gideon Matt

So we've named this little one! (insert heart eye emoji)

It's a name we haven't heard much before, but we love it. My favorite may be hearing Harry say his name (he chants it over and over, and says it so fast you can hardly tell what he's saying). Speaking of Harry, isn't he just THE CUTEST?!?! I'm clearly biased, but now that we know we're having another boy I am just so thrilled. Having another one of these just melts my heart:

Here I am at 20 weeks...just before Christmas break. Clearly I look tired and SO ready for some time away from work! ;)

And here I am at 22 weeks. Ellis just keeps growing and growing. I'm now to the point where I'm feeling him move around a lot more, which is the very best part of pregnancy! 

We've had a really relaxing week and a half off from work/school. Josh still has work, but he got a fair amount of time off during the Christmas festivities (which isn't always a guarantee with his job) so we soaked up every moment! 

This was us trying to get a shot with a selfie stick. Harder than it looks ;) lol

Harry thoroughly enjoys wearing his pjs all day, which is fine by me! We went to the grocery store the other day with him looking like this (and his bear dressed up as well). It was the best!

I can't believe that in a month's time we will have a four-year-old on our hands. This boy is SO EXCITED to turn F O U R and we can't wait to celebrate him! :) He just gets more and more fun to do life with all the time. His personality is so enjoyable to be around...although he does have his grumpy moments (which just reminds us that he's a normal kid).

And in four months we will get to meet baby brother, Ellis Gideon who has already captured our hearts. Harry kisses my belly at least ten times a day. It's pretty cute. Hopefully he'll still love his baby brother this much when he's crawling around and getting into all of his toys ;) 

I've been pretty bad about blogging every two weeks like I planned to throughout my pregnancy, but I've posted plenty of pictures on Instagram to keep family/friends up-to-date. Pregnancy with a child is way busier than with the first. When I was expecting Harry I had so much free time on my hands, but this time around I'm lucky if I can stay awake through Harry's bedtime stories each night. I wouldn't trade it for anything...but blogging has not been my top priority. My goal is to keep writing Harry his letters every six months, and to write letters to Ellis each month once he makes his debut (like I did with Harry). But aside from that, we'll see how much blogging I do.

I'd also like to do the 10 on 10 project again in 2016. It's been a while since I've managed to keep up on it, but since I'll be home on maternity leave this spring, I figure I'll have more "non-work" time to take photos on the tenth of each month. It's too hard to remember to take a picture every hour when I'm wrangling students through math and reading lessons all day.

Alright, enough rambling here. Hope you had a lovely Christmas and that this New Year brings you a fresh start to get after whatever it is you'd like to get better at this year! :)

I Think I'm Allergic to Dust

It's time to dust this ol' blog off. (Thanks Karla for inspiring me/calling me out! And for checking back periodically in hopes of an update.)

The thing is, I actually enjoy writing. I'm not fantastic at it, but I like it.

I started this blog because I was inspired by other blogs I read, and I love having a place to reflect on my life experiences. Sharing photos is fun too.

Clearly, I'm not very good at keeping up on it.

I hate the feeling that I'm so behind. I struggle to do things halfway, and when I feel overwhelmed by a task I often find myself stuck - frozen in place, wanting to move forward but incapable of taking the next step because I feel unprepared to take every step after that.

The truth is that there are a thousand things that I haven't blogged about; meanwhile the memories keep coming, and the dust just builds up.

Which (side note) I think I'm allergic to dust + grass, an almost lethal combination lately. If you've seen me in person, you know what I mean. In case you haven't seen me lately...this is what I've been looking like on a daily basis:

So here's what I'm going to choose to do. Take a step. Write a blog post. And then hopefully another. Even though it's a little dusty...and I'm not ready to take every single step ahead...I think I can handle sitting down today and writing for a little while.

There you go. My first post since Mother's Day. And a horrible picture of my swollen itchy eyes.

I had a coworker approach me this week to make sure everything was okay. The tone in her voice told me that she was concerned someone had died. I assured her I was fine...and proceeded to (attempt to) wear makeup the rest of the week.

In other news: IT'S OFFICIALLY SUMMER! Thank you Jesus for the glory that is having 2 months off from work. Even though I have to go to trainings next week I have completed my SEVENTH YEAR OF TEACHING. Talk about time flying. I think I'm considered a veteran by now ;)

Follow my #mattsummer15 hashtag on instagram to see pics of all of our summer adventures.

Feels Like Spring

Little Moments of JOY!

Harry having conversations with his toys. His sweet little voice, and tender heart. 

Literally melts my heart with JOY!

Holding hands with Dave to go see his car collection.

Playing with Madi. She's such a little sweetheart!

Snuggling up with my hubby on NYE!

Jumping on the bed with Auntie.

...and throwing pillows at her face! 

"You take your glasses off!" (at least he's considerate ;) lol)

Helping Mommy take out the garbage and recycling bins. 

We ran home in the dark giggling and noticing "THE MOON!" 

(one of his favorite things in the world).

I May be Crazy, but Here Goes...

We started going to a new church in September. The idea was planted before we lost the baby, but when we actually took the plunge our baby was gone, making it a sweet and painful time to uproot and start fresh in a new community.

God clearly knew what He was doing. Doesn't He always?! You'd think after following Jesus for over a decade I would have learned by now that He, the Creator and Maker of the universe (not to mention my heart), would know what He was doing. 

Anyway, it was scary and a tad bit overwhelming. I have a hard time going in halfway. When it comes to community I tend to open up and bear my soul (which often involves tears), I wish I could hold back, but for some reason this is how God has created my messy heart. Literally on my sleeve. I've been told by others who have been witness to my tears and vulnerability in the context of community, that it's refreshing and frees them up to be vulnerable as well. I have also spent many years believing that I am too much. Too emotional. Too overwhelming for other people to handle. The darn devil literally wants to turn what God clearly intended for good into something I feel ashamed of.

Thankfully the Holy Spirit's voice is stronger. It may be softer...but it is certainly more powerful than the lies that so easily entangle.

I'm not in any way "there" yet, but I am learning to listen to the voice of the Lord, and nothing else. At least that's what my desire is. I am praying that 2015 changes my heart to be more in tune with my Maker.

Back to our new church, and the new study I began in the Fall.

As a small group we read the book "Interrupted" by Jen Hatmaker, and it literally: ROCKED. My. World.

I'm still reeling from it. I am not kidding. This book stirred up in me a desire for a different kind of life. A different kind of faith. One that looks nothing like the faith life I have known up until this point. But with this heart-shift comes a lot of questions. Practically speaking, how does this play out in my day-to-day life? If I knew the answer, I would be happy to share it here...but I am still trying to wrestle with it all.

I wasn't ready to set Jen's ideas on the shelf, so I decided to read another one of her books. She is one of the most honest, witty, encouraging, and challenging authors I have ever read.

Enter "7: An Experimental Mutiny Against Excess". Also by Jen Hatmaker. Seriously, if you do one thing this week, go buy this book. Or check it out from the library. I've checked it out at least twice three times from the public library digital collection (sorry Jen, I'm cheap) ;) but seriously I keep reading and re-reading it.

Thank you Karla for recommending this book to me (oh, a year or two ago). I finally gathered enough courage to actually read it...and I am SO THANKFUL that I did!

So...after reading through Jen's journey, I've decided that it's time to embark on my own journey. I am excited and terrified at the same time. But I am pretty much certain that if I take a step GIANT leap of faith, Jesus is going to change my heart and life, to the degree that at the end of 2015 I will not be the same woman that I am today.

Here is my plan.

I am going to be fasting throughout the next year.

One month at a time.

One area of my life at a time.

I will fail many times I am sure. And I will also be covered in grace.

And that's pretty much all I know at this point.

I have a plan for the first month, and I have a "map" for the year as a whole, but beyond that I am going to figure it out one step at a time.

I may be crazy, literally, but I need to do something drastic to reset my habits, and jumpstart my heart. I want change desperately, and I know myself all too well (creature of habit that I am); unless I do something completely new and different I can already picture myself a year from now - pretty much the same person I am looking at in the mirror today.

So, here goes. 

Jesus, bring on 2015. I may not be ready, but I know You are!!!

.    .    .

2 0 1 5    Y E A R    M A P

Month One:  M E D I A

Month Two:  P O S S E S S I O N S

Month Three:  F O O D

Month Four:  W A S T E

Month Five:  C L O T H E S

Month Six:  S P E N D I N G

Month Seven:  S T R E S S

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M O N T H    O N E   -   M E D I A

Lord help me. I think this may be the hardest for me, which is why it is most certainly up first in the line-up. For the next 30 days, I will be abstaining from media.

No TV (which includes TV watched online or on Netflix). No radio (unless it's classical music). No Instagram. No blog-reading. No phone games or random entertaining apps. Limited texting. Email only once per day. 

I am terrified. 

But I am also craving the quiet that will inevitably come along with this fast. Quiet to pray. To read God's Word. To read other books. To look into the eyes of the people I am with and live in the moment. To look around and behold the glory of God in the world around me.

Goodbye Media. 

I am sure I will miss you. 

But my hope is that I will gain so much more than I am missing.

[ more blogging to follow as I learn and grow over the next month ]

Fall Favorites I Can't Bear to Forget!!!

Being silly on a family-dinner-date to Chipotle! YUM!

Heading off to my TEN YEAR REUNION with Josh! I'm We're getting old ;)

Harry and I have been memorizing the verse that says "The Heaven's declare the GLORY of God!" 

Evidenced in this picture!!!

A friend of mine from High School has been making and selling these gorgeous necklaces online. I now own two! #imayhaveaproblem

We cheered Daddy on at his first weightlifting competition in a LONG time! Way to Go DAD!!

Harry even got to wear the medal! :)

Me: "Harry, smile for the camera" (practicing for picture day at school).

This was what I got! HAHAHAHAHA!

Thankfully his actual picture was ADORABLE! :)

High five, to the side, down low...too slow Joe! #harrysfavoritegame

Snoozing in his big boy bed! Seriously, my favorite sight these days!

I am that mom that made him dress up according to the theme of a friend's birthday party. Well, close...it was a Minnie Mouse party...so he was my sweet little Mickey!

...and just for fun. FLASHBACK to Harry's fattest stage in life. 6 months old and 25 pounds :) :) :)

Flashback Friday :: Deciding to get Tubes

Before we made the decision to have Harry get tubes, we had to meet with the ear, nose, and throat specialist first. His appointment was downtown, in a tall building...complete with a constructions scene for Harry's entertainment below.

Munching on a breakfast bar while we waited.

So exciting to watch the construction going on below.

Such a sweet face!

But DON'T BE FOOLED. 

This little cutie threw the most  E P I C  T A N T R U M  of all time while we met with the doctor. 

Thankfully he did pretty well during the hearing test, but when we finally got in to meet with the actual doctor he had had enough. 

Oh boy, was it humbling. 

Far too often, I puff up with pride, thinking "I've got this parenting thing DOWN; Harry is such a "good boy", I must be an AWESOME Mom". Truthfully, any good moment that I have as a mom is truly God's grace - an unmerited gift from the Lord that I do not deserve, and had nothing to do with. I am a work in progress, as is my son...who is sometimes naughty, and surely a sinner just like I am. We both need Jesus and moments like this - when he is screaming and flailing his body around like a wild animal, and I am painfully aware of the people around me (and can't help but imagine what they are thinking of him, and of me) - moments like this remind me of desperately I need Jesus. 

His grace is what carries me through this life - in both the glorious moments that melt my heart, and the painfully challenging ones that involve more tears than I'd like to admit, and often make me want to pull my hair out (just keeping it real).

So while it was an exhausting morning...I learned a lot. And praised God for using a doctor's appointment, and a tantrum, to humble me and remind me of my desperate need for Him, above all else!

After we got done, we stopped at Ikea for a (super cheap) and yummy breakfast. Why don't we go there more often? It was super fun :)

Harry wanted to take a ride, but was told no...which resulted in another tantrum as I carried him (flailing once again) to our car.

I love his little converse tennis shoes, and holy cow...the boy has some calf muscles!?! I shouldn't be surprised because it does run in my side of the family, but still...I didn't really notice it until I looked at this pic!