We're Smitten

Here are a few photos my brother took of our family now that Ellis has arrived.

Ellis in the hospital on his birth-day:

Ellis at 2 weeks old:

The four of us, getting adjusted to life at home with baby brother:

Proud big brother Harry, talking to Ellis. They're going to be best buds!

Ellis :: Birth Story

After a traumatic emergency c-section with Harry, we opted to go for a planned c-section with Ellis. I didn't want to go through labor again only to find out I had to have the same situation as last time.

So Wednesday April 20th was the day. We were supposed to check in at the hospital at 5:30am for a 7:30am c-section...and as it turned out, Ellis had a different plan in mind. But it all kind of started on Tuesday.

I intended to have a really restful day on the 19th. It was my last day as a mom of just one boy after all. The weather felt more like summer, and I had no major plans. I figured I'd hang out with Harry, paint my nails, and "live it up" (aka: relax all day) before Ellis' long-anticipated arrival on Wednesday.

As with most "birth plans" this did not happen.

I woke up Tuesday morning with severe back pain. It felt similar to when you tweak your neck and can hardly move your head without sharp pain, but it was along my ribs and onto my back.

I could hardly move my torso (which basically involves every movement I tried to make) without being in pretty severe pain. I managed to take Harry to and from preschool, but spent much of the day trying to get comfortable on my bed. It took about five pillows...and even then I was still pretty uncomfortable.

Now looking back, I'm pretty sure I was experiencing back labor, all day.

Once Josh got off work, we dropped him off at my parents' house for his big sleepover before getting to meet his little brother the next day. You can tell in this picture that he was pretty pumped! Then Josh and I went to dinner and went to bed around 9:00, hoping to get some sleep.

At about 11:00 I woke up with contractions. I'd had some contractions here and there over the past month or so, but these were a lot more painful than any I'd experienced thus far. They were about nine minutes apart at that point, but by 12:30 they were 3-4 minutes apart and I decided to wake up Josh. It was time to go to the hospital.

He was half-asleep and tried to convince me that we could just wait. It was only a few more hours after all until we were supposed to get up and head out.

I managed to convince him that waiting was not an option. Good thing! By the time we got to the hospital and I was checked - I was already 7 cm dilated!!! What?!?!

Here we are, halfway to the hospital and stuck behind a train. Of course, right? I was sitting in the passenger seat breathing pretty heavily through the contractions which were now 2-3 minutes apart!

Needless to say, it was a relatively short amount of time before I was prepped and ready to meet our little guy. I was so relieved to have the spinal block because my contractions were SO PAINFUL by the time I was laying in the operating room. Not sure how much more dilated I got...but I'm guessing at least an 8 or a 9.

Everyone in the O.R. was so nice. They took great care of me and talked us through what was going on. Not exactly the "calm, planned" procedure I was anticipating, but it was night and day compared to what we experienced when Harry was born.

Josh watched over the screen, and told me when Ellis was about to "pop out" (as big brother Harry likes to say). As soon as I heard his wailing cries I burst into tears. It was such a healing moment for me as a mom. I didn't get to experience that with Harry...and then after two miscarriages I wondered if I'd ever get to experience becoming a mom again. This moment, this sweet picture of us holding Ellis brings me to tears, really happy and thankful tears! He was instantly calm as soon as he was in our arms. We got to hold and kiss and talk to him the whole time they were stitching me back up.

It was heavenly!

Here he is snuggled up "skin-to-skin" on my chest, where he stayed for the first two hours of his life. It was so wonderful to hold him like that.

I got to nurse him right away and he was a champ! He latched right on and hasn't stopped eating since. I think he'd like to be a chunk-ster like his brother ;)

After we got acquainted and were transferred to our new room, my parents brought Harry to the hospital. Josh got Harry and brought him into the room to meet Ellis. It was just us, a family of four, for a little while before we introduced our new little guy to the rest of the family. Harry was thrilled! He couldn't stop grinning and asking to kiss Ellis (his toes, hands, nose, cheeks, you name it)!

I LOVE love LOVE this picture of me with my two boys. This right here was the moment I had dreamed about and prayed for over the past nine months! I am SO THANKFUL to have the incredible blessing of being Mama to both of these incredible little boys.

Harry was just SO proud of his new little brother! :)

He even got to help the nurse give Ellis one of his first check-ups. It was so sweet to watch him helping her take his vitals. 

Love these photos that capture sweet moments snuggling with and kissing my new little bundle. Ellis was (and remains) one of the most laid back babies I've met. He is so calm and rarely cries!

And the hospital cinnamon rolls were delicious too. Mama's weakness ;) lol

After two nights we were more than ready to head home and get adjusted to life with two sons instead of just one. Harry was so excited to help us get Ellis situated in his carseat. H was telling him all about the fact that he would have a room next to his, and that we have a mini-van with "magnetic" (automatic) doors. So adorable!

And with that, we were off. We have a very similar picture of us with Harry (in the same carseat) ready to go home. I love that this time we have Harry and Ellis!

So there you have it! Ellis' birth story. It was planned and a surprise at the same time. He came in the perfect way, exactly the way that God knew he would...and I am just so thankful that this time, I got to hold my baby right away and bring him into the world in a way that was not an emergency, but felt just right. Crazy to think this whole post describes the very beginning of a grand adventure we are just now starting.

Both of my boys came into our families in their own ways - and I treasure the vivid memories (and the photos that capture them) of the births of both of my boys. Becoming a Mom is the greatest calling and gift I will ever experience in this life. A tad bit sappy, but one hundred percent true.

Now I'm off to go make coffee...or take a nap...or daydream about taking a nap... ;) 

Transitioning

Yesterday Harry asked if he could take a picture of me feeding Ellis. I love this picture of me with my messy hair, Ellis in one of Harry's old outfits, and the sweet four-year-old who was behind the camera. 

I have to say that the best and hardest part of transitioning to having two has been with Harry.
He tenderly loves his baby brother and hasn't shown any signs of resenting Ellis or even really feeling jealous when I'm caring for one of his many newborn needs. He's been super helpful too.
And in the midst of loving his brother so much, Harry has also been struggling with his attitude. He often throws little fits (rude tone, foot stomping, etc.) when he's told "no" or doesn't get his way.  We have had to correct his behavior a lot since coming home from the hospital (or at least that's how if feels), and I'm honestly having a hard time with it. Of course we can't let him behave with rudeness and disrespect, but couple this with the extra reminders to "be careful around your brother" and "watch out for mommy's sore tummy" (and the other normal reminders you have to give a little kid when there is a tiny baby and a mom healing from surgery....) and it feels like that's all he's hearing all day long.

There have been many tears shed by both Harry and I in this process. Josh and I are trying to encourage and praise him often. We are also trying to include him in things like cooking meals, listening to music, watching movies together as a family, and even reading a chapter book (his first one (!) James and the Giant Peach). I'm reminding myself that we would be correcting Harry about his behavior even if Ellis weren't around; this is what parents do...it's part of the job. And I'm a little over-sensitive right now with all the hormonal changes in experiencing physically. We've also been hugging it out more. Letting Harry know that our love for him isn't based on his behavior. That just like Jesus loves us all the time, no matter what...even when we sin...our love for Harry as his parents will never go away. ...and when the emotions feel overwhelming, I'm also giving myself permission to just go to sleep. Waking up from a nap, or in the morning, I feel a lot better. 

So that's where we are at. Head over heels in love with Ellis and savoring this short stage in the life of our family. We love watching Harry, who has truly been the apple of our eye for the past four years, grow into a brother. We are tired and a little emotional, at least Harry and I are ;). We are messing up, feeling frustrated, and giving/receiving forgiveness on a daily basis.


Mostly, we are thankful. The road to get here, to have two sons, hasn't been without pain and loss and grief. And here we are on the other side of it, so very thankful because each of the boys God has entrusted us to raise up are a gift and a blessing. As much as I look forward to the point where we have settled into our new normal, these growing pains are completely worth it because we get to be parents to these two boys. We are so very thankful!!!

O N E Week Until Baby Brother Arrives!

...and we're not excited at all ;) 

Feeling Reflective

I opened up a journal I've been writing in for over a year now, and just realized that I only have a few pages left. It seems fitting that this journal is coming to a close as I am in the midst of making a huge transition in my life.

.    .    .

I looked back at my first few entries and was struck by these words from February 8, 2015:

Lyrics from "Finally Free" by Rend Collective

"Your mercy rains from heaven 
like confetti at a wedding
and I am celebrating in the downpour.
Your heart is wild with color
like a never-ending summer.
You burn away the winter
of my cold and weary heart.

My soul cries out
Holy
Holy.
My heart is lost
in your beauty.
All hope is found
in Your Mercy.
You paid the price.
Now I am...FINALLY FREE!"

This morning I am overwhelmed by Your grace and mercy God. I am overwhelmed by Your beauty and the way You have used every circumstance in my life to change me and make me more like you. 

Every painful trial has actually been a blessing.

Each pregnancy has truly been a gift. With Harry you taught me to let go and trust. With baby number two you taught me that You are enough - that You truly never leave or forsake me...and you've given me a desire for heaven that I've never had before!

And today I rest in Your peace as our third baby is growing in my belly. I am choosing to trust you in the unknown. I am believing and hoping for a miracle. I am also choosing to believe that you are Good, regardless of the outcome.

Lord, You give. You take away.

Blessed by the name of the Lord.

.    .    .

Over a year later, I can honestly say that God is truly Good and that His beauty and mercy have carried me through the ups and downs of our journey to bring another baby into our family.

A few weeks after writing this journal entry, I lost our third baby. It was devastating. But God has faithfully walked alongside me. He slowly healed my broken heart as I trained for the half marathon I ran last June...literally speaking to my heart through songs like the one I shared above as I ran, and ran, and cried, and ran some more.

And here I am, just a couple of weeks away from meeting Ellis. Our fourth baby...but the second one we will be blessed to raise. I still don't know for sure that he'll be healthy, although I'm praying and trusting that he will. I don't have a guarantee that anything in this life will go according to my plan. Most likely, it won't. But I serve a God who is faithful and altogether Good. He has allowed me to experience suffering that certainly changed me...but I am so thankful for it. Through the loss of two babies I came to see my need for Christ more than ever before. And I cherish the gift of motherhood in a different way than I would have if it had all gone according to my plan.

There are still days when I wonder about those babies. When I shed tears and long to hold them in my arms. When I ask God to hasten the day when I will get to meet them in heaven. And yet, I know that without their lives and deaths, we probably wouldn't be sitting here anticipating the arrival of Ellis, a little boy that I am sure will stretch our hearts to the point where they nearly burst. A baby boy I have loved fiercely through this pregnancy and cannot wait to meet later this month. Ellis doesn't replace the others. They were gifts in their own ways. And now I sit here, crying, smiling, thanking God for the season He has brought us into!

It's funny how much has happened since I wrote that journal entry last February. And yet, I can say that I feel the same way:

Lord, today I rest in Your peace as Ellis is growing in my belly. I am choosing to trust you in the unknown. I am believing and hoping for a miracle. I am also choosing to believe that you are Good, regardless of the outcome.

You have been faithful time and time again in my life. Thank you in advance for all that this month will hold for our family Lord. Bring Ellis safely into our arms. Prepare our hearts to love him and care for him as we adjust to being a family of four, instead of three.

Thank You for the blessings that have come out of our suffering! The freedom I have found in walking through life with You Lord is such a great honor and a gift that I am eternally grateful for!

Farewell Letter

Dear Cascade Family,

I'm not entirely sure how to start this email, so I'll just jump in (and if you're newer to Cascade and don't know me very well, feel free to ignore ;)

For the past eight years I have called Cascade my home. I student taught here (thanks Janet for organizing and Emily for sharing your students with me) which launched my career as a first (and now third) grade teacher. Basically, I've grown up here. Today is my last day before I start my maternity leave as my family welcomes our second son into the world. While I am overjoyed about the gift of growing my family, I am finding it really hard to say goodbye. Many of you know that I am taking next year off to be home with my family; after that I'm not sure what the future holds. I could very well be back at Cascade, or life could take me down another path. I'm just not sure, which is why today feels monumental to me. It's the end of an era in my career and I am really going to miss being part of this community.

I wish I had the energy (I blame pregnancy and swollen ankles for this) to write each one of you a personal note to let you know how much you've meant to me during this season in my life...but this email will have to suffice.

Thank you!

Thank you for believing in me and for pushing me to be better. I can honestly say that without the guidance and support I found in you, I would have given up long ago. Teaching is so hard, and yet it's such honorable work that I am beyond thankful to have been a part of here at Cascade. Thanks for reminding me that it's first and always about the kids, even on the hardest of days. Thanks for holding my hand when I needed it and for letting me try new things when I needed to grow. And for those who worked closely with me, thanks for letting me cry when I just needed to let it out. Thank you for nudging me out of my comfort zone. For teaching me that I learn and grow the most from mistakes and challenges. For encouraging me and bringing out my strengths, and for sharing yours with me through collaboration.

I could honestly go on and on...

Thank you doesn't seem like enough, but from the bottom of my heart I am so thankful for you!

I wish you all the best as you enter into the final stretch of the school year. I know that next year will be an incredible one, as you continue the hard, good work that you're doing at Cascade! 

Krysta Matt

PS: Don't worry - I'll be back to visit this spring, and of course I'll bring Ellis and big brother Harry to visit!!! It may take a little while to get into a groove, but once we are...get ready for baby snuggles! :) 

22 Weeks: Baby Ellis

Ellis Gideon Matt

So we've named this little one! (insert heart eye emoji)

It's a name we haven't heard much before, but we love it. My favorite may be hearing Harry say his name (he chants it over and over, and says it so fast you can hardly tell what he's saying). Speaking of Harry, isn't he just THE CUTEST?!?! I'm clearly biased, but now that we know we're having another boy I am just so thrilled. Having another one of these just melts my heart:

Here I am at 20 weeks...just before Christmas break. Clearly I look tired and SO ready for some time away from work! ;)

And here I am at 22 weeks. Ellis just keeps growing and growing. I'm now to the point where I'm feeling him move around a lot more, which is the very best part of pregnancy! 

We've had a really relaxing week and a half off from work/school. Josh still has work, but he got a fair amount of time off during the Christmas festivities (which isn't always a guarantee with his job) so we soaked up every moment! 

This was us trying to get a shot with a selfie stick. Harder than it looks ;) lol

Harry thoroughly enjoys wearing his pjs all day, which is fine by me! We went to the grocery store the other day with him looking like this (and his bear dressed up as well). It was the best!

I can't believe that in a month's time we will have a four-year-old on our hands. This boy is SO EXCITED to turn F O U R and we can't wait to celebrate him! :) He just gets more and more fun to do life with all the time. His personality is so enjoyable to be around...although he does have his grumpy moments (which just reminds us that he's a normal kid).

And in four months we will get to meet baby brother, Ellis Gideon who has already captured our hearts. Harry kisses my belly at least ten times a day. It's pretty cute. Hopefully he'll still love his baby brother this much when he's crawling around and getting into all of his toys ;) 

I've been pretty bad about blogging every two weeks like I planned to throughout my pregnancy, but I've posted plenty of pictures on Instagram to keep family/friends up-to-date. Pregnancy with a child is way busier than with the first. When I was expecting Harry I had so much free time on my hands, but this time around I'm lucky if I can stay awake through Harry's bedtime stories each night. I wouldn't trade it for anything...but blogging has not been my top priority. My goal is to keep writing Harry his letters every six months, and to write letters to Ellis each month once he makes his debut (like I did with Harry). But aside from that, we'll see how much blogging I do.

I'd also like to do the 10 on 10 project again in 2016. It's been a while since I've managed to keep up on it, but since I'll be home on maternity leave this spring, I figure I'll have more "non-work" time to take photos on the tenth of each month. It's too hard to remember to take a picture every hour when I'm wrangling students through math and reading lessons all day.

Alright, enough rambling here. Hope you had a lovely Christmas and that this New Year brings you a fresh start to get after whatever it is you'd like to get better at this year! :)

We're Having a "Blue One"!!!

I'll just let the pictures do the talking! :)