That Day I Ran a ½ Marathon! BAM!!!

I meant to write this last weekend. Was it really only a week ago that I ran my first ever ½ marathon?! Yes you read that correctly...I RAN a ½ MARATHON! 

It was epic!

Here are pictures to prove it:

Before the race I met up with two of my biggest supporters. My former principal and my current assistant principal. Jon and Aliscia are seriously the BEST! Jon is a rockstar runner. No pun intended (it was the Rock 'n' Roll ½). He runs a LOT and SUPER FAST, but he's been cheering me on throughout my training, no matter how slow I am. And Aliscia has been incredible. Encouraging me along the way with her own training. She ran the Tinker Bell ½ in Disneyland Mother's Day weekend and then decided to go for the Rock 'n' Roll in June. I am SO glad we got a quick pic before we hit the starting line!

Hilary, Karla and I living it up before the race started. Both girls have been the BIGGEST blessing to me. Both have had miscarriages and loved me as I've slowly worked through my healing. I ran with both during my training...especially on the long runs...and can honestly say that I wouldn't have made it without them.

Funny story. A race worker asked me to hold our "corral sign" which was slightly awkward (especially when random people came to me with their questions because I looked "official"). It took us about 45 minutes to actually make it to the start, but because I had the sign we were literally at the front of our corral line and got to cheer and count down from the very front of our group. It was EPIC. Maybe you had to be there...but Hilary, Karla, a random guy from Florida, and I can attest to the fact that it was a fun way to start. Even if the wait was long.

My whole family came to cheer me on. Seriously BLESSED! Especially by that sweet/hilarious boy!

There's the finish line :)

Karla and I loved the cheering squad just before the finish line. I shaved my armpits that morning, just to make sure I was fresh for the fist-pump photos! I guess I wasn't really making fists in the picture, but man did it feel good to be within a stone's throw of that finish line.

Just a few more yards and we were DONE! BAM. Nailed it! :)

Post race. Completely drenched in sweat, but still smiling. I think we may have smiled our way through all 13.1 miles. It was a glorious day: sunny, breezy, and even though there were some hills, they were gradual. Plus the route was filled with GORGEOUS views!

The two men in my life cheering me on! Josh gave me a huge hug...and Harry kept saying "My Mommy WON!" :) 

I happened to be standing right next to two college friends in the recovery area. They ran it too and we couldn't resist taking a picture together. Of course Harry wanted in on the action.

Dad, Mom, Griffin, Josh, Patti, Ashley, Gigi, Harry and I. This was right before we gorged ourselves on the most delicious breakfast ever. French toast, eggs, and sausage. I was hungry after running for almost three hours! ;)

Not sure why my app said I ran 3.79 miles, but whatever. Also there was a brief bathroom break (or two) during which I forgot to stop my watch. I think we actually finished in 3:45. But who's counting.

We started and finished strong!!!

You better believe I took a nap that afternoon! I think I ended up with just over 35,000 steps total that day. My knees and ankles were so sore for about 24-hours, but after that I felt pretty good.

And here is the current resting place of my medal. Right above my computer so I can see it whenever I'm working here in my craft room. I'm not sure where its final resting place will be, but you better believe I'll be running another race in the future. Not sure exactly when (maybe the Fall?!?!)

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Thanks to everyone who has rooted for me along the way. It has been such an incredible journey, both physically and figuratively. God put it on my heart to run, He gave me His strength to do it, and the race was honestly the icing on the cake. It felt like a glorious gift from my Loving Father. He knew I needed to do this training. He knew I desperately needed to rely on Him throughout the process, to surrender to Him in my weakness, and to accept the strengthening/healing of my body, my faith, and my heart that only He could have given me.

He is certainly a GOOD Dad who loves His kids. I can call myself blessed because of Him...not because of anything I have done!

So there you have it. 

My ½ marathon is done, but it is definitely one of the top 5 moments of my life! 

Even with the pictures and my attempt to describe the experience in words, I can't really do it justice. 

You'll just have to take my word for it, and maybe sign up for a race with me...so you can experience it for yourself! :)

I Think I'm Allergic to Dust

It's time to dust this ol' blog off. (Thanks Karla for inspiring me/calling me out! And for checking back periodically in hopes of an update.)

The thing is, I actually enjoy writing. I'm not fantastic at it, but I like it.

I started this blog because I was inspired by other blogs I read, and I love having a place to reflect on my life experiences. Sharing photos is fun too.

Clearly, I'm not very good at keeping up on it.

I hate the feeling that I'm so behind. I struggle to do things halfway, and when I feel overwhelmed by a task I often find myself stuck - frozen in place, wanting to move forward but incapable of taking the next step because I feel unprepared to take every step after that.

The truth is that there are a thousand things that I haven't blogged about; meanwhile the memories keep coming, and the dust just builds up.

Which (side note) I think I'm allergic to dust + grass, an almost lethal combination lately. If you've seen me in person, you know what I mean. In case you haven't seen me lately...this is what I've been looking like on a daily basis:

So here's what I'm going to choose to do. Take a step. Write a blog post. And then hopefully another. Even though it's a little dusty...and I'm not ready to take every single step ahead...I think I can handle sitting down today and writing for a little while.

There you go. My first post since Mother's Day. And a horrible picture of my swollen itchy eyes.

I had a coworker approach me this week to make sure everything was okay. The tone in her voice told me that she was concerned someone had died. I assured her I was fine...and proceeded to (attempt to) wear makeup the rest of the week.

In other news: IT'S OFFICIALLY SUMMER! Thank you Jesus for the glory that is having 2 months off from work. Even though I have to go to trainings next week I have completed my SEVENTH YEAR OF TEACHING. Talk about time flying. I think I'm considered a veteran by now ;)

Follow my #mattsummer15 hashtag on instagram to see pics of all of our summer adventures.

(Belated) Ode to Motherhood

This is my fourth one. 

My fourth Mother's Day?!?!

I was thinking it was my third...but first he was a baby, then 1, then 2, and now THREE. 

Oh, the blessing of this sweet boy who made me a Mama. 

Sure it's hard work. It's exhausting really, because it's more than a job. Being a Mom is all day, every day. It's interwoven into my identity.

Making me smile since 2012! :)

He is so sweet, and curious!

I'm pretty sure this little moment involved sound effects. As most moments with little boys do. I love the foot in the air and shovel pumped high!

He's our little t-ball player (who refuses to call it anything besides baseball). He loves how fast he is...and he has also sat out for most of a game for no other reason than because he was grumpy. But man is it cute to watch him playing a sport with his new little friends.

The Halfway Point

Halfway through Spring Break. Time, please slow down! 

Harry was pumped about his Easter basket goodies!

Awkward photo of Harry with a friend from church! 😂

Hunting for eggs was so fun this year! (ignore my weeds please 😉)

Holding hands. My brother's baptism was the highlight of our Easter! 

Sharing treats and laughs together at a coffee shop. 

Photo op with Gigi!

Josh's signature look! 

Letting Harry watch cartoons so I can steal extra snuggles. 

Tried taking a selfie with my post-nap snuggler, only to catch him picking 😂!

Children's museum fun. 

Harry's dream, driving a big rig (at the museum). 

Life Lately

It's been a while since I posted. Life has been full, beautiful, hard...all at the same time. It's funny how much joy we can experience in the midst of sorrow. There are many days that involve laughter, and so much thankfulness that my heart literally feels like it will burst. And there are many days that involve tears and prayers that are too raw to put into words.

But even in the pain. Even in the darkest moments, His sweet mercy is always here. Reminding me that suffering allows for growth that I may not otherwise experience. No matter how sad my heart may feel in a given moment, there is always a new morning on the horizon. New mercies awaiting as sure as the dawn. 

So here are a smattering of photos I've taken in the past month or so (most from this weekend). Moments that I can't help but cherish and thank my sweet Savior for blessing me with. This life I am living is a gift. And I am especially aware at this time of year with Easter starting in just a few short hours. My Savior lives. The empty tomb means that I don't have to live in despair. Jesus is my Hope and He is alive. So I can live. Even when I don't understand the "why", I know that my Redeemer is trustworthy and good, and that I can find my joy and purpose in Him. 

He is Risen. He is Risen INDEED!

And last but not least - to everyone who has loved me/us through the losses we have experienced this school year I am so thankful! I really don't have words to express how much every card, every text, every hug, every encouragement here on my blog and on Instagram, every prayer has meant. So thank you friends and family! I am thankful to be able to share my heart here and know that those who read it care so much for me and for my family. For Josh and Harry and both of our babies who live in heaven. 

Man, those babies must be having the most incredible Easter weekend celebrating Jesus' work on the cross in His very presence. We will be there one day with them. Such a glorious hope! 

The Cost

Have you listened to Rend Collective?

If you answered no, please go look them up and listen to one of their songs. One of my favorites lately (from their Campfire album) is called the cost.

It wrecks me. But in such a good way.

I honestly cannot listen without weeping. But the tears are good. They bring healing and remind me that Jesus is truly worth it all. He is worth the pain and suffering. He is worth the trial and tears. He is worth leaving all of my desires behind and seeking only Him!

Seriously, go listen. Click the picture below to go to their site.

The Cost by Rend Collective

I'm saying yes to You and no to my desires
I'll leave myself behind and follow you

I'll walk the narrow road 'cause it leads me to you
I'll fall but grace will pick me up again

I've counted up the cost
Oh I've counted up the cost
Yes I've counted up the cost, and You are worth it

I do not need safety
As much as I need You
You're dangerous but Lord You're beautiful

I'll chase you through the pain
I'll carry my cross 'cause real love is not afraid to bleed

Jesus take my all
Take my everything
I've counted up the cost, and You're worth EVERYTHING!

Finding My Footing

I've been wanting to write for a while now. But I just haven't known where to start. I'm here...in the land of the living, and yet my heart is at times stuck in the grief of our loss.

In February, we lost another baby. Very similar to my last pregnancy. Somehow I thought that having been through it once before would make experiencing miscarriage less painful, but it didn't. I knew what to expect, but my heart still broke under the weight of it. 

Losing babies is heart wrenching.

One of the biggest things I've struggled with lately is crying out to God, "I don't want this to be my story!" I really don't want this to be my story. More than words can express...I want my babies. I would've been due in a couple of weeks with the baby we lost in September (and our most recent loss would have been born next September). It is hard to think about the very different place our lives would have been in if all had gone well. 

And yet, even in my darkest hour, I have a great Hope. 

His name is Jesus.

He is moving and working in my life and in the lives around me.

He is helping me to let go of the "control" that I never really had over my plans. And reminding me that even though this hurts, He loves me deeply. He bottles up all of my tears. He is SO NEAR to the broken-hearted. And though this body may fail me and this life be full of trials, the eternal promise of finally getting to see my Savior face-to-face and live in the glory of His presence, forever...well it is surely enough. He is MORE than enough!

I still long to have another baby, and at the same time I have decided to leave that dream alone for a while.

So now I am trying to just be. Trying to focus on every single undeserved blessing the Lord has given us. I am trying to give thanks rather than complain. I am getting down on the floor and playing trains with Harry. Hugging and kissing my husband more. Delighting in my family as it is. And trusting that God has a plan for our future.

I'm putting my "7 fast" on hold for a while, it's enough at this point to work and do family stuff. I just need some space to grieve and regroup. 

Oh and I'm running. 

As in, training for a half-marathon! (Insert wide-eyed-emoji) I'm not a runner. But I think I'm becoming one. Like tomorrow is a "rest day" in my training plan and I'm actually wishing it were a run day. I think I may have been abducted by aliens because the fact that I am longing for my next run day is crazy talk. Seriously CRAZY! 

As crazy as it sounds, I think running with such a big goal in mind is just what I need right now. 

So that's that. My first post, post-miscarriage...again. Thanks for reading and loving me through this!